So things have been as hectic as ever recently and I have been thinking, how will I ever have time to write blog posts, like ever? Anyway, lets give it a go with a run down of the week.
Monday was a crazy dash home from Edinburgh, with a drop off item on the way. Made it though, in time for the meeting I had stupidly arranged for that afternoon.
I was so looking forward to seeing Miss A after school, until she came in...she wouldn't even speak to me and was really difficult all evening. I ended up in tears which is very unlike me (this is probably because I was tired and emotional after my exciting but tiring weekend) however, we made it to bedtime which was equally as disgusting. By 9 p.m. she got a severe telling off and I resorted to threats of taking things away. I don't like doing that but I really was stuck and no amount of kindness or understanding was helping her calm down/snap out of her rut. With Miss A, she sometimes gets stuck in her own behavior cycle and just can not get out of it. I wanted to write about it all but I was so broken. I just couldn't and I don't really like writing about the negative side of life so much. I think its something to get through and forget about where you can. I felt bad, sad and very tearful, maybe the amount of gin my body had to process from the night before didn't help?!?
Tuesday was beautiful! New day, fresh start and I was greeted with a smiling kissing cuddling happy Miss A! Amazing, this means a good day for all. We never dwell on 'shit' for too long here, once its gone its gone and Tuesday was loads of fun. The dude and I met our besties then went to the Health visitor for his check which was a laugh, I love my HV and really miss seeing her! Of course he performed well and passed. My favourite part of the assessment was when she asked if he dressed up, not really I said, unless I encourage him to...'ach this thing is made for toonsers, dis he wear a builder's hat?' Oh god yes, along with his work beets, high vis and boiler suit when he is 'working' 'there' she said, 'that will do'.
The one thing he is not so good at is 'pencil skills'. He is not interested and I have to say neither am I really! I don't know if its because of Miss A's challenges but I am so physical with him. I want to get out and play and do stuff. He is great at numbers and measuring but sitting down to colour write or draw is just not something he wants to do and I don't push it. I think I am a very different parent than I the one I would have been (or thought I would be) because, I'll be honest, I just don't care about assessments or how my kids compare with others! I do not enter the competition, I am proud of what they achieve weather that be before during or after the expected age of achievement. With out Miss A, I think I'd have been sitting at the table teaching the children and pushing them, I would probably have put a little more pressure on my self and them about these things but my daughter has taught me that they absolutely do not matter. I'm grateful for that because she has made me realise the importance of simple play and allowing them to just 'be'. Cheers doll! Tuesday ended with Yoga, which is always good!
Wednesday - another busy one, starting with 2 appointments at hospital for Miss A one after the other. Tied them in beautifully though and got back to school for play time - BOOM! When schedules go right it feels so good.
Rushed back to collect the dog who FINALLY got a haircut, she looks so cute and was super proud of herself, the kids were so chuffed with her too. Back to school to drop off the dude then home for a quick bit of research for a friend, some on line shopping then tidy, unpack from Edin get some washing done and OHMYFUCKINGGODITSTHEDUDESBIRTHDAYONMONDAY! Its cool I'll sort that out overt he weekend ish... uneventful evening including bath time which means all went pretty well.
Thursday - day of jobs, post office, chemist, food shop, birthday gifts shop, balloons ordered, search the world for an Everest pup which he announced today was 'all he wanted for his birthday' oh and pick up birthday gifts for friends party this weekend!
Friday, lets sort this bloody house out! Cleaning, made some soup cos the cold has hit me like a tonne of bricks! Never mind, dishes done bathrooms cleaned finally folded my washing mountain which was pretty much my height - not that tall for humans but pretty tall for a washing pile! The wheel chair was delivered back to us in one piece (for those who don't know, Daddy accidentally ran it over with his lorry. Child was not in it but Daddy has still been called many many names) Early bed with Boris was exactly what I needed. Oh and him crying cos a mouse was in his shoe also perked me right up.
Saturday we had to go for our family flu jabs seeing our lovely HV again (twice in one week!) The dude went first - no bother which was a surprise so he got a prize of 2 packets of stickers. Next me and then Daddy, Miss A not impressed that she didn't get one and my feeble attempt at 'pretending' was met with 'your an idiot mum' look. Lorna our HV said she wanted a blog post - so here it is Lorna, you are mentioned! We love you!
Lorna supported us through such a wonderful but difficult time. My breast feeding journey was one of sheer desperation. It ended in my eyes as failure although I know that's not how I should see it. Lorna said when she saw how grown up the dude is she flashes back to the nightmare that was, me double pumping constantly and taking supplements to increase my supply whilst also breast feeding and being the only one at home with the kids. This went on day and night for weeks. My dad came to help me with night shifts but really (as is so common for me) looking back, I don't know what the hell I thought I was doing! Why am I so hard on myself? Boris begged me to give up, 'I will, I will but if I can just try for a bit longer I might get it' I thought, its not working, it must be my fault, I need to make more milk. Despite the fact that milk was running down my body when ever I was in the shower and squirting across the room as soon as I took my boob out. I got Boris is the eye one day! No, the problem, in hindsight, was that the dude was allergic to what was in my milk because we had no idea of his allergies at that time. I thought that my milk or 'lack' of it was the problem. I thought, ill give up, we will go on to formula and all will be better. WRONG. He got worse, he had awful eczema and reflux that made life hell. All of our beds were constantly being changed, the sofa, the carpets were all stinking of soured milk. We couldn't go out with out changes of clothes for me as well as the baby - it was miserable and just crap. Solids, I thought, that will make things better for us...ERM NOPE! At least then his allergies became apparent and I was able to trial our way through to some safe food which has us ticking along nicely. Thank heaven for tatties, the best 'pass' ever!
Its nice to look back and see how far we have come, but at the time I didn't realise how awful it was! Lorna's lovely face and kind words always made things easier, we were so lucky to have her. I don't often hear ladies raving about how wonderful their Health visitors are so I feel extra lucky to have had Lorna.
Sunday we decided to let the dude open his gifts early so Daddy could share the fun, everyone had a great time and then he and I went off to a nursery birthday party which was just brilliant! Bouncy castle - I owned the sweatiest kid there. Kids entertainer who was so sweet and had them all playing games and dancing, then off for food. I always carry food for The dude but this lovely mum had gone to the trouble of getting in some special things suitable for him, I'm always so touched when people go the trouble. Thanks Emma - as if organising a kids party isn't hectic enough! Balloon animals to take home and we even got one for Miss A! Sunday afternoon was spent cooking,shopping and bathing. Off to bed - all done by 7.10pm! I LOVE when daddy is home. Another early night with night nurse for me.
Here we are back to Monday and I feel almost human again! After a quick meeting which was super positive, the dude and I spent the morning at the park, I got myself a coffee and truffle because ... well I have no real reason other than I like cake and coffee. Long chats with the bestie on the phone and lots of sillyness with the dude. Looking ahead to another full to the gunnels week, loads of fun stuff though which means house work can wait!