Today a close friend of mine told me, 'god sometimes you make me feel like such a bad human! You are too good' this was during a conversation about judging others and how I really make a concerted effort to NOT judge people on their actions and behaviour.
Now, judging is a natural instinct we all have. We immediately make a judgement/assessment of every situation/person we are presented with, this is to do with survival, is it safe should we fight/take flight/have coffee with this person. I am no better a human than the next person but my experiences in life so far have taught me that sometimes those judgments are right and sometimes they are wrong. Good people have bad days and on those bad days they behave badly even though they are still good. The reverse is also true. A million different things lead up to every interaction with another human being, there are times when I have behaved badly and would hate to be judged on my behavior or words at that moment without the person judging knowing what led me there.
Women don't always support each other, there is this strange tradition of making themselves feel good by knocking each other down, even little girls in the school playground do it. Its horrid. Its an insecurity thing I think, like I don't feel good about myself but if I pick out other peoples faults or weaknesses I'll show how dominant I actually am. I'm not sure about the psychology behind it all but can we all stop please, its just not cool.
I like to teach my kids to be kind and patient, everyone has faults, issues and makes a mistake now and then but if we stop demanding perfection from each other then maybe we can forgive ourselves our mistakes too.
The world isn't always a beautiful kind place and its full of different people with different views and opinions about the right and wrong way to do things. I like that, I'm totally ok with folk not agreeing with me 100 percent of the time because I am not perfect and I am not always right AND there is generally more than 1 single way to do everything! Parenting is the best example of this I think that is why, I feel, mums should stop trying to force their chosen way on each other and just accept that someone else might do it differently but that's ok.
Now to the fun part; examples. I'm going to tell you the ending then the story leading up to my bad behavior cos I think that's more fun than making my excuses first :)
Why I don't shop in Lidl...
I used to pop into Lidl as much as all the other local shops, I boycott the shit out of the place now and this is why (even though I know I behaved badly I still don't go!)
What would you think if you saw a scruffy sweaty woman shouting at a shop assistant in Lidl followed by that same lady shoving her full trolley across the shop at the shop assistant and yelling 'KEEP THE £1!' before stomping out of the shop in tears with a grubby faced toddler (also screaming) under her arm who by the way doesn't even have any shoes on?
That was me.
The lead up to that situation...
It was a Sunday morning. After a tough weekend with Miss A; tantrums and physical assults, I absolutely did not feel refreshed from the week of work. I had the dude who basically couldn't eat anything and therefor didn't sleep properly and Miss A who got up at 5am waking him up too even though he was tired. This generally lead to a day of screaming fighting chaos and grumping. I was fighting with Boris because when things are stressful, don't we always scream at the person who is equally as stressed? I had to get away from Miss A and her crappy behavior - I was on the edge so sleep deprived and sick of life I grabbed the dude ( couldn't find his shoes but just needed to get the hell out of the house) I decided to escape to the shop. I was stressed, fed up and feeling extremely fragile. We chose Lidl as our destination. Got my pound out and stuck my almost 2 year old in the trolley. Pffft Unacceptable move, he wriggled and squirmed and winged and eventually cried, 'out muma out out OUT muma me out!' I tried to talk to him and say not right now darling you have no shoes on look you help me put this in the trolley. Unacceptable he could walk and he wanted to walk. Too weak to fight I put him down barefoot on the tiled floor. delighted he toddled beside me smiling and chatting. Phew I felt utter relief and watched him with a small smile appearing n my face as I appreciated the fact that my son could walk, unlike my daughter. I also appreciated how easy he was to lift and how lovely his words were. I felt a little better. Then a slim, short haired shop assistant marched up to me, uninvited into my bubble of peace and snapped, 'you will have to put him in your trolley' I was shocked and just looked at her, 'but he was screaming' I said weakly. 'Aye well we canna guarantee there is nothing on this floor and he hasn't even got any shoes on' she replied in her (what sounded like to me in my fragile state) gruff harsh voice. I grabbed him and stuffed him back in the trolley seat he instantly screamed. She went back to her shelf stacking while I walked approximately 4 steps before I lost my shit and all of a sudden felt angry. I directed every bit of that anger towards this woman. I turned and before getting even close to her I shouted, 'Do you know what? I am not asking you to guarantee anything, he is MY son and I decide if its safe for him to do things or not so why don't you keep the £1 in this trolley as a tip and stop interfering with peoples lives' as I rolled the laden trolley across the shop floor towards her and walked out of the shop sobbing with my barefoot screaming dude in my arms. She didn't utter a word - possibly her turn to be shocked. I got into my car and sat in floods of tears, utterly ashamed of my behavior. Far to weak to consider going into any other shop with members of the public who just might look at me the wrong way I went home, with no shopping and told Boris all about it. He laughed (mainly because this is SO unlike me) and said, 'Cool, the bitch deserved it', 'I'M NEVER SHOPPING IN LIDL AGAIN' I said still through sobbs, 'I even left my £1!' 'Quite right' he said, 'who the fuck does she think she is eh?' I looked at him, 'I really shouted Boris, I am so ashamed, people were looking and none of them know how awful the weekend has been I just looked like an absolute phsyco. Boris. Will you please stop laughing, Boris, it was really really bad.' 'Ah, I know quine, its funny though, I can't believe you pushed the trolley at her! Everyone has bad days, fuck it. Come and get a bosie. I'll go to the shop later.' He couldn't say more than a word or two at a time because he was laughing so much at this point.
This bat shit crazy lady wasn't me. If I was judged that day (as I am sure I was) I'd be a fucking nutter who needs to calm the hell down and buy her kid some shoes! I am not a nutter, I am actually a fairly calm person and my children have a number of pairs of shoes.
This is not the only occasion when I have lost my shit in public and so I really do try (I say try because I'm not perfect) to give people the benefit of the doubt now more than ever because you really really have no idea whats going on in someones life to make them behave the way they behave on any given day.
I would absolutely LOVE to hear your 'I lost my shit' stories. Can anyone out do mine?
Also Lidl lady, I am sorry, I was a dick but I really couldn't help it. Your only mistake was not reading the stressed to fuck mummy signals that were all around me. I'm still not coming back though.
I have added some images below of me and our wee monster at the time, mainly to show that he did have shoes!