Quotes from our house

Just because in this madhouse I say and hear a lot of stuff that I never imagined I would.  

I'd love to hear the funniest things that are said in your house, add a wee comment.


  • Stop singing and close your legs! (Freddie to me because he wanted to sit on my knee)
  • Can you PLEASE not argue with me when I am pooping? (me to Freddie)
  • Will you stop looking at that with your mouth please!
  • I've just done a STINKING fart.  I'm going to tell daddy, he will be DELIGHTED. (and he was)
  • Gosh boys, you are soaked...the response "LETS GET NAKED"
  • get that windmill off your willy please
  • Can I borrow your ear muffins mummy, its just too noisy in here.
  • I want a cud mummy, its a cuddle without the le and that means you have to sit still, don't move, don't blink or talk and I'll cud you.
  • What are you guys doing? 'We are naked and going tot he shop to get you a new fixed phone that's not broken so we can watch YouTube videos again'
  • Right, I think some nice kind person needs to help their sister and pick up the puzzle from the floor.  'No Mummy I am not  nice or kind person that person is you, you are a nice kind person'
  • Ok, time to tidy up time dude... 'No thanks mummy!'
  • Mummy do you want to smell my bummy?
  • Mummy, you are like a toy cos you are squishy like a teddy.  I like that.
  • I was a tiny bit sick but its ok, my mouth was so full of burger it kept it from coming out!
  • I want to play hide and seek with my pillow daddy!
  • Can you please go to the shop for some snacks and water for my scoopy doo?
  • Daddy, you are the master and mummy is the dame!
  • I really like you mummy, I'm probably quite shy with other normal people, they aren't like you.
  • Where are all the bloody heads?
  • Mummy, I just CAN'T stop liking you!
  • Ok but is the black car kind of red?
  • Mummy we kind of have a situation here
  • Mummy, I need you to cuddle my feet
  • Please stop sucking the table
  • Oi, are you farting or pooping?  Do you need to come out of the bath?
  • Right Dude strip off its PJ time!  Awwwww mummy you said I am not to get naked.  I know darling but thats when we are out of the house, not when we are getting changed.
  • Keep going guys, you are doing such a good job, well done Daddy!  (The dude coaching us all as we moved a new suite into the living room)
  • You are such a cool mummy mama!  (I'm sure the dude will not have this opinion for long so definitely worth noting!)
  • Stop farting at me dude I have something to tell you!
  • If I find a poop do I get a prize?

  • I'm on a mission mummy have you seen a poop around here?

  • I have a feeling there is a poop in this house somewhere.

  • She NEEDS to have a bath in the morning you can not send her to school with shitty feet.

  • Are these my devil horns mummy?

  • My daddy is probably called Michael.
  • Get in the bloody boat! (3 year old said to 7 year old, the 'bloody boat' was a massive, pulled off the wall fixed fire guard.)
  • L-J, L-J I've done something stupid, help me. 
  • RIGHT, I've had enough now, will you please stop barking over me when I am talking to Daddy!
  • Get that food in your mouth and stop pretending to be blind!

  • Dad can I have some more Fireman Sam on my pizza?  Eh Fireman Sam? Ahhh you mean Parmesan!

Write a comment

Comments: 3
  • #1

    Lorna (Thursday, 28 September 2017)

    Four year old son shouting across a crowded cinema foyer " Mummy do you need some COCKPORN" ��

  • #2

    Mrs Madhouse (Thursday, 28 September 2017 11:36)

    HA! What mum doesn't need cockporn!?!?!? Thats a cracker! x

  • #3

    Laura (Saturday, 06 July 2019 22:23)

    Too hot after the school run the other day I got a baby wipe and wiped between my boobs to get rid of sweat, my 10 year old stood of back door step and shouts to her 13 year old sister.. Mum has sweaty boobs!